13 April, 2009

Days 7 & 8, before I forget

Oh man, Day 7 was just driving and depression. No hunger, but I was on such an emotional rollercoaster. This is what happens when the Master Cleanse meets menstruation and 5 consecutive days of travel. It wasn't pretty, but I stayed on program. I'm thinking that for me, Day 7 was the deepest depth and the hardest day. I had lots of good insights and revelations, mostly things I have realized before but now, in a space where I'm proud of myself and having something physical to work through... I don't know, they just seem easier to swallow. [Like: I seem to have a major issue with food availability and excess being a trigger for eating when I'm not hungry. If I saw one square of macaroni & cheese on a plate on Day 6, I wouldn't have had any urge to eat it. It would have represented what I need it to be right now (something I am conscientiously abstaining from) and I would have remembered my reasons for abstaining. But at EarthFare there was a gigantic pile of macaroni & cheese squares, and that abundance made me want one so bad. This happened a lot as I contemplated the contents of the deli case. Something about stacks of food and giant platters signals my common sense to go on vacation.]

Today, Day 8, was the opposite of yesterday: mentally & emotionally balanced, happy, rational. But hungry? Oh my, yes. I took my babysitting charges to lunch at a pancake house and while the children ordered a stunningly sensible lunch for themselves (tomato juice, a salad, chicken noodle soup), I was reading the menu like it was, well, pornographic. Bounty, hedonism, escapism, all on one menu?! And with side orders of meat?? I couldn't believe everyone else just read these things so casually. I had to sort of chew on my straw a little bit and my stomach growled loudly. But I still only crave the sweet stuff, and this cleanse was supposed to cure me of that-- when do I get the cravings for steamed kale, garlicky and lightly salted? Actually, that sounds really good. Time for bed. 2 days left until I can supposedly make better choices. I better get ready to be mindful and not desperate.

1 comment:

Laura jane said...

I love "reading the menu like it was pornographic"... How true. I have found myself relating to food in the same way.

I'm on Flickr a lot.

Jessica K.. Get yours at bighugelabs.com/flickr